Social Media, Self-Esteem & Mental Health: How to Set Digital Boundaries That Work

Many of us do it all the time—pick up our phones, itchy to scroll through our feeds and see what’s new, even when we shouldn’t be doing it—at work, while waiting at a red light, or standing in line at the store. Some of us even do it during mealtimes with our families or over coffee with a friend. “Only for a few minutes,” you may tell yourself, but that often turns into an hour.

Let’s admit it: we’re hooked on social media—to the point where it shapes how we feel and how we see ourselves.

You know that feeling—when you’re scrolling through someone else's beach vacation photos, their stunning selfies, or their “just got engaged” announcements—and your heart sinks a little more with each post. You feel overwhelmed, annoyed, and edgy, without quite understanding why. You shut the app down, but the feeling lingers.

If this resonates, you're definitely not the only one. With more than five billion people using the internet today, countless others feel the same. We’re human. We long for connection. We care about how others see us. We just want to be seen, heard, and validated. With social media, we can achieve this in just a few clicks, posts, or shares.

So why do so many of us still feel profoundly lonely, insecure, or anxious? And how can we break the unhealthy relationship we have with our digital world?

Why Social Media Makes Us Compare Ourselves (and Why It Hurts)

A filtered selfie, a beautiful beach photo, a stunning city view from the office, a perfectly plated dinner, or a well-framed shot of a morning coffee mug—you can’t wait to post it and see the reactions.

What are we really looking for when we share? If we’re so protective of our privacy and personal boundaries, why do we feel compelled to share so much of our lives online? And it doesn’t stop there. We then compare our lives to others—who always somehow seem better off.

This constant comparison can create tremendous pressure. You may end up feeling lonely, dissatisfied, anxious, or even depressed. People who feel things deeply or spend a lot of time on social media—especially younger users—are more likely to experience these negative effects.

Likes and comments can feel like recognition. They seem like proof that we’re successful, desirable, or living life to the fullest—even if our posts don’t actually reflect how we feel inside. That gap between our online presentation and our internal experience can intensify insecurity, loneliness, and low self-esteem.

The Brain on Social Media: What Science Tells Us About Validation

Every like, share, or comment triggers the brain’s feel-good neurotransmitter: dopamine. While this may feel great in the short term, it can also create a craving for external validation.

You might begin posting not because you genuinely want to share something meaningful—but because you’re seeking affirmation from others.

Research shows that teens who spend more time on social media are more likely to report symptoms of depression, largely due to the pressure to appear perfect and consistently “liked.”

It’s normal to want validation—but relying on external approval to feel confident and valued can gradually erode self-esteem, increase distress, and affect how you show up in relationships.

FOMO, Loneliness & the Illusion of Connection Online

As you routinely flip through posts and updates, you may feel uneasy—as though everyone else is out at parties, catching flights, or enjoying drinks with friends.

Even after a perfectly good day, these posts can make you feel like you’re missing out. Social media often creates the illusion that everyone else’s life is more exciting or meaningful than your own—fueling the fear of missing out (FOMO).

This constant fear can gradually wear down your self-esteem, especially for young people still figuring out their identity. The 2019 Ontario Student Drug Use and Health Survey found that higher social media use among teens correlates with increased psychological distress.

Feeling lonely in a world where connection is only a click away is a strange paradox. While social media appears to keep us connected, research suggests it may actually increase feelings of isolation. We experience an illusion of connection—but the lack of meaningful human interaction can leave us sad, empty, or unseen.

When Social Media Helps: Connection, Belonging & Expression

Despite its potential downsides, social media isn’t all bad. In fact, when used intentionally, it can be a powerful tool for building self-esteem and supporting mental health.

People who engage with affirming and supportive content often report higher self-esteem and emotional resilience.

When we join the right communities, real connection can happen online. Think of those living with chronic illness, neurodivergence, or marginalized identities—online spaces can provide belonging for those who might otherwise feel isolated in daily life.

For many users, platforms like TikTok and Instagram offer a space for authenticity—whether they’re sharing mental health journeys, personal wins, or lived experiences. This kind of openness helps reduce stigma, fosters connection, and provides encouragement many don’t receive elsewhere.

Ways to Set Healthier Digital Boundaries (That Actually Work)

If your internet use often leaves you feeling anxious, insecure, or “not enough,” it’s time to reassess your digital boundaries. Try the following strategies:

• Use social media mindfully. Reflect on your relationship with it. Do you feel better or worse after scrolling? Are you comparing yourself to others? Just being aware of these patterns can help you engage differently.

• Set clear boundaries. Consider digital detoxes or limiting your screen time, especially in the morning or before bed. Turn off notifications and plan time with loved ones—without your phone.

• Prioritize real-life relationships. Meaningful, in-person interactions nourish our mental health far more than digital ones. Focus on connecting with people who truly matter.

Getting Support: What to Do When Social Media Impacts Your Mental Health

Social media has a way of making us feel inadequate, distracted, or emotionally drained. The more we scroll, the more we may question our worth.

But here’s the truth: your value isn’t determined by followers, likes, or curated images.

If social media is taking a toll on your mental health, talking with a therapist can help. Many therapists—especially those who work with teens and young adults—understand the unique challenges of online life. They can offer guidance for building confidence, breaking out of comparison cycles, and cultivating self-worth.

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Reach out today to learn how we can support you.