What Being Present Actually Means (and How to Get There)

As a chronic, lifelong overthinker, the phrase “be present” didn’t mean much when I was staring down a to-do list than never seemed to get shorter no matter how much I worked and the last thing I had time for was slowing down to “just live in the moment” with home and family and work tasks everywhere I looked. I figured I wasn’t that kind of person, and moved on.

I didn’t even realize that by living on autopilot like that, not only was I not learning how to “be present”, I wasn’t even aware of my everyday life beyond the work, eat, sleep, repeat cycle I had gotten stuck in.

If you’re like I was, you’re reading that wondering “but what other options are there? I can’t just not do things?!” 

And you’d be right.

But what took some tough seasons in life for me to realize was that the ability to slow down and be in the present isn’t a coveted personality trait that some people are blessed with and the rest of us just have to live without, and it’s not the opposite of living a full life, juggling a busy schedule, or having a productive career.

You might want to take notes, because this article is everything I wish someone would have told me about being present and how to actually get there, even as a professional over-achiever.

From Autopilot to Awareness

“Being present” just means your mind and body are in the same place at the same time.

Presence is the opposite of that autopilot setting I mentioned. It’s also the opposite of ruminating, which is when your brain replays a conversation or idea or emotion on loop while your body sits on the couch mindlessly scrolling TikTok for hours on end, or dissociation, which is what psychologists call the thing where stress or trauma makes your brain check out of the current situation and lets you zone out in an attempt to keep you safe from a threat or a trigger.

If we’re talking about it from a therapist’s perspective, presence looks like grounding, noticing, feeling stable and solid and aware of the experience you’re having right now.

Common Myths About Presence

Being present is about taking it all in, feeling whatever you’re feeling, and giving yourself permission to just exist for a minute without running away from what’s around and inside you. With that being said, I also feel the need to clarify what presence is not.

You might have heard some of these ideas tossed around, so let’s correct them:

Myth: You have to stop all thoughts if you want to be present

Uhm, no. Your brain has thoughts all day long, and that’s literally it’s job. Presence isn’t about shutting off your thoughts as much as it’s about noticing them without immediately being dragged into their drama. When you can have a thought about that thing you forgot to do, make a mental note, and keep enjoying what you’re doing right now without spiralling, that’s presence.

Myth: You need to feel calm and chill all the time

Wouldn’t that be nice? The truth is, you can be fully present with feelings like being angry, anxious, or sad just as much as you can be present with your joy, fun, peace, and contentment. Presence means staying with what’s happening in real time, even if what’s happening is uncomfortable (and that’s actually how we work through the feelings we’d rather not have).

Myth: It’s about being perfectly content and getting it right

Presence is something you have to practice. It’s not a performance review (honest). Some days you’ll nail it. Other days you’ll be so absorbed in your work or distracted by your phone the whole day will go by in a blur. That’s normal, and you can still find little moments of presence and being in your current experience in tiny ways (like noticing the warmth from your coffee cup in your hands, stopping to take a few deeper breaths, or venting about something you’re stuck on in your journal before going back to work after lunch).

Why Presence Can Feel So Hard

Our brains are wired to wander. It’s partly important instincts that help us scan our environment, predict any danger, and plan next moves, but when you add in constant notifications, overflowing inboxes, and the 12 tabs open in your head and on your laptop, no wonder being “in the moment” can often feel impossible.

If the kind of peaceful presence you’re looking for feels elusive sometimes, it doesn’t mean you’re bad at it or not meant to have calmness in your life. It probably just means you’re human, and sometimes that can be complicated.

Practical Ways to Practice Presence

Thankfully, being present is a skill which means you can learn it. Here are some of my favourite ways to move away from stress and distraction as your default setting:

Grounding Through Your Senses

Try the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise: notice five things you see, four you feel, three you hear, two you smell, one you taste. Or just take a slow walk and pay attention to how the air feels on your skin, the rhythm of your steps, and the colors around you (or try some of these sensory techniques).

Breathing Techniques

Box breathing (repeating a pattern of inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four) gives your brain something predictable to work with. Sighing out loud, like a long exaggerated “ugh” can do the same thing and tells your nervous system it can stand down.

Micro-Moments

This one is probably my favorite: choose one tiny daily activity and actually notice it. The first sip of coffee. The water on your skin in the shower. The way the sky looks when you walk to your car. You don’t have to tackle slowing your whole day down when you learn to find peaceful little pockets of awareness inside the busyness.

The best thing about working on your “one thing at a time” muscles, is that being present really does start to make you more you overtime.

When you’re really content and noticing the moment you’re living, your relationships feel closer because you’re actually listening instead of half-listening while you draft an email in your head. You catch more of life’s small joys like the way your kid’s laugh snorts at the end, or how your dog sighs when they curl up next to you. You get more focused and less stressed and life gets a little better (besides, multitasking is basically a myth anyway).

Conclusion

I hope reading this has helped you feel like the peace you’ve seen other people have gets to be yours too, even if you don’t want to embrace the “slow living” lifestyle or book time off work or become a minimalist or whatever the Instagram gurus are recommending lately.

Being present isn’t magic but it might feel like it when you learn to start practicing awareness, over and over in the middle of your real life. 

Some days you’ll get it right, and other days you won’t even notice you missed it until bedtime. That’s okay.

The more you practice presence, the easier it becomes to catch yourself drifting and gently guide your attention back. And if that feels overwhelming or you want support in strengthening this skill, therapy can be a powerful space to learn, experiment, and grow.

Here’s to more awareness, more presence, more joy, and more enjoying the life you’re actually living (instead of imagining all the things you “should” be doing). It’s way more fun that way.