Finding Calm and Joy in the Holiday Season—Without Forcing Cheer

You already know that gratitude can rewire your brain, but did you know that even a tiny spark of positive emotion can prepare your brain to seek out and create more positive emotion?

That kind of positive perspective shift isn’t about ignoring what’s hard or pretending everything is fine (as much as you might try depending on your stress language, it rarely helps for long). It works because your nervous system isn’t made to stay in stress and be open and receptive at the same time. 

When you intentionally bring in even a flicker of warmth, calm, or appreciation, your brain gets a momentary break from scanning for danger and drops into a different gear (back into your window of tolerance) where connection and hope can be experienced again. 

Those little flickers can be more simple and accessible than you might think, and have some important benefits, too! Some research has shown that taking time to feel the warmth of a drink as you hold the mug in your hands to drink has been linked to emotional health and those warm, fuzzy feelings (yes - it’s more than an expression!). Warm drinks can also help you literally warm up to people, perceiving those around you as more pleasant and inviting than before you poured that cup of tea or hot cocoa.

What Research Shows About Gratitude and Well-Being

Other studies published by Harvard Medical School even show that people who regularly practice gratitude and mindful awareness of their environment and their mental state experience:

• Improved mental health with reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety

• Stronger relationships through increased empathy and reduced aggression

• Better physical health including improved sleep and reduced inflammation

• Enhanced psychological resilience when facing adversity

• Increased self-esteem and decreased social comparison

• Greater life satisfaction and overall happiness

So, tiny moments of appreciation and joy do more than help you get in the festive spirit! That being said, sometimes between the busyness and emotions of upcoming holidays, the heaviness of reflecting on a year that didn’t go the way you thought it would, or the pressure to create vision-board worthy goals for the new year, you may not be quite sure how to stir up some more of those magical, or maybe just positive, feelings, and another mug of hot cider isn’t going to cut it.

While hacking your biology with positive, warm sensations is a great place to start, this is where asking intentional questions can help get you to a place where it’s easier to notice those sensory opportunities for happiness and create a few more while you’re at it. Instead of forcing yourself to “just be positive”, knowing what kinds of questions to ask can give your mind something new to look at and a more approachable way to make sense of a potentially overwhelming or confusing situation. They’re tools meant to widen your perspective just enough that your nervous system can come back to calmness and let you feel even a small shift toward a feeling of relief or warmth, even if it’s just a little bit. 

If you need a little more of that right now, keep reading for questions you can use to shift how you’re feeling and tap into some extra joy this Christmas season.

Reflection Questions to Invite Calm and Joy

You may want to try using these as journal prompts or experiment with a new type of journaling, you might want to place one that stands out to you on a sticky note somewhere you can come back to it, or you might find that just taking a few minutes to meditate on one of the questions boosts your mood.

Looking Around

• Who is really important in my life and how can I show them how much they mean to me in a way they would appreciate?

• What kinds of things about this time of year really catch my attention or make me glad to have noticed or experienced them? It could be as tiny as the way cold air smells or the glow of lights through a frosty window.

• What about my physical environment feels special, comforting, safe, inviting, or familiar? If I can’t find anything now, what small change could help (a candle, a blanket, a minute of tidying, a bit of fresh air)?

Looking Back

• Taking a few minutes to look through my calendar or photos, what are 10 things I hope to remember from this year?

• What is something that pleasantly surprised me this year?

• What challenged me this year and what was the result? What about that situation can I appreciate myself and others for?

Looking Forward

• How could I include something new that makes me feel settled and happy in my daily life going forward?

• What are three things I can choose to see with more self compassion and stop judging myself for?

• What would I like to add more of to the coming year?

An Gentle Note on Support

If getting started with these prompts feels harder than you expected, brings up feelings or memories you aren’t sure what to do with, or makes you aware of how far away from these answers you feel, you might find it helpful to find a therapist who can support you. Sometimes having a neutral space to process what’s coming to the surface as you journal is enough. Other times you may wonder if it’s been a week of too much holiday shopping taking its toll, or if something more, like seasonal depression, might be behind the heaviness you’re feeling. If you need more intentional support than the handful of journal prompts here, don’t hesitate to find a therapist you are open to getting that support from.

Conclusion

Hopefully as you allow yourself the space to pause with these ideas, you’ll find that you feel a little lighter, brighter, and able to be more present. As you surround yourself with warm, comforting things and use the reflection prompts above, these strategies and tools can help you find the glimmers of joy that are waiting for you this winter, and as you come back to your calm spaces, supportive relationship, therapy, and tiny moments of shifting what you notice, you’ll take more of that joy with you into the year ahead.